The Top 10 Ways We Most Neglect Our Values (And Make Life Suck)
Your Values are the things that are most important to you in life. Things like Freedom, Accomplishment, Honesty, Love, Adventure and Respect to name a few. If we neglect our Values we don’t feel happy or fulfilled, and we perform like crap. If you don’t already know your Values you can do our free Values Assessment here. In the meantime, here are the top 10 ways that we all most commonly neglect our Values on a regular basis. Do you fall into any of these categories?
1. We don’t put ourselves first enough
This is SO common. We feel like it’s selfish to look out for #1. We’ve been told that looking out for others is more altruistic. But how can you look out for anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself (your Values) first? If the oxygen mask in an airplane drops down, who do they tell you to put on first, yours or your kids’?
2. We think we have to be “adults” all the time
When did we stop making time for fun? Silly, playful fun. When we were kids, fun was all that mattered. Oh sure, you’ve got adult responsibilities, but if you’re not making life fun you will get bored and be a half-ass person and employee. When you do that Values assessment, make room for Fun or Playfulness or Silliness, or whatever you want to call it.
3. We don’t stick up for ourselves
Often our Values of Respect or Integrity or Honesty get stepped on by someone else. Often we will just let it go because we don’t want to cause a scene. But that’s just fear. In order to align with those Values, you have to be willing to stick up for yourself even if it means ruffling some feathers.
4. We do what we should, not what we want
People “should on themselves” all the time. We should act like this or talk like that. In an office setting, there’s a certain way we should dress. Or by the time you’re a certain age, these are the things you SHOULD have. But what do you want? When you align with your Values, you build a life you want to have.
5. We measure “ambition” by work alone
Ambition always seems to be discussed in terms of careers. But if someone is leaving the office every day at 4:45pm so they can pick up their kids, that’s still ambition! It’s ambition towards their Family value. They are no less ambitious than the person who works until 8pm. They’re just giving equal attention to all their Values, not just the work ones.
6. We don’t pause to reflect
When we take a moment to reflect on our values we can see which values need some attention. Maybe Fun is a little low lately. Or perhaps Success. Once we realize this we can then take steps to align better with those Values that are lacking. But if we just keep on the hamster wheel and never take a moment to reflect, our Values keep getting stepped on and we’re miserable.
7. We don’t take credit for how we’ve kicked ass!
Every time you ignore your successes, you’re basically telling the universe that those things you most care about don’t really matter. Take a moment, celebrate everything you’ve done great, and let people know about it!
8. We make easy decisions, not the right decisions
When you’re stuck on a decision, weigh your options against your Values and it will be crystal clear which option is right for you. It’s usually the scarier option (otherwise you would have already done it) – your Values make it perfectly clear what option will serve you better as a unique individual.
9. We neglect our friends
All my clients have Friendship as a value (whether they call it Friendship or Community or Connection…). And almost everyone realizes they’ve been neglecting it. Putting work ahead of friends is sometimes necessary, but it’s not necessary as often as our adult-brain says it is. Reach out to your buddies and give your Friendship value a boost.
10. We follow rather than lead
When we know what’s important to us (our values) and the impact we want to have on others, we are PROUD of who we choose to be every damn day. That allows us to lead, rather than follow. A good leader knows what they stand for and they’re confident that their wants matter. If you always ignore your Values, you’ll remain a follower.
Well, hopefully this helps you identify any areas of your life where you may be neglecting your Values and, as a result, feel less-than-awesome! If you’d like to learn more about how to fix this, check out my latest video on YouTube here.
Otherwise, have a kick-ass courageous day.
Get in touch with Billy at firstname.lastname@example.org for any questions, or leave any comments below. You can also find more on this and other courage-related topics in Billy’s book Your Comfort Zone is Killing You (available here).